I had an idea for the title of this article. “New person, same mistakes.” But it didn’t feel right regarding how this piece turned out. And though I still like this idea as it applies to the people you meet along your life journey; I felt like it was more like the opposite of it. “Same person, new mistakes.” Yeah I like it better this way.
I’ve also had the idea to talk about misunderstood characters for a while because I’ve seen so much hatred being shared towards people who don’t exist, that I cannot fathom the hate real people must have to face. Sometimes I do wonder what is wrong with this world, but then I remember it’s just a problem of education, it’s an issue about not letting positivity be the key of someone’s growth, so I know it can only get better if we learn how to do so.
I think the reason I wanted to defend these personas, the reason I always had a soft spot for hated characters such as Sansa Stark and Draco Malfoy ( I have plenty others in my bag, but these ones I like the most) is because in some way I related to them. It felt easy to do so. Like them, I was spoiled. Like them, I made the wrong choices at the wrong times. Like them I said things who turned out to hurt others, and it backfired. But like them I was young and uninformed, like them I listened to my parents, like them I thought I was doing nothing wrong at the time. Of course my actions had less of a dramatic extent, but these two characters specifically marked me at different times of my life because I could see a bit of me in their behavior. They were not perfect, they were scarred by the words of others, they were mean but not evil, they were alone even when surrounded by a crowd. They were wrong but they were human. And as the story went on, their minds evolved. Let’s make something clear. They did make mistakes, some that you can’t erase just like that, and I’m not trying to make excuses for them. They were flawed, and still are. And maybe I’m only imagining the changes that occurred as their story continued, but if I do, I think it was so I could tell myself I could change too.
So in one I saw redemption, I understood that nothing is set in stone, you can still make up for your past actions. You are not defined by how your parents taught you to behave. You have to take their teaching in and decide the use you want to make of it. In the other I saw nothing but a spoiled young girl who had to learn the hard way how to grow up and take care of herself. Yet everyone around me always had to spit on her face because they spent their time comparing her to her sister. “She spends her time crying and complaining, look at her sister she’s such a badass!” (They’re both badass you mouth breather, and how could you not cry when you’re literally going through hell?).The decisions you take when your eleven cannot define you as an adult. However adults felt like it was okay to shame her for taking immature decisions when she wasn’t even a teen. With her, I learnt how to fight for what I believe in, because no one else will do it for me.
What’s funny (beware of the sarcasm here) is that there must be as many readers of Harry Potter than Game of Thrones ones, but I’ve only witnessed Sansa receive that much hate compared to Draco. Even more funny, the author of one never blamed his character for the mistakes she made, while the other doesn’t see how someone can like the character she created because of his actions. But that’s another debate, for another time.
But I wondered. I wondered if the association I made with these characters to myself was simply identification, or if there was more to it. Am I trying to justify who I am? Trying to make excuses for my past behavior? Or rather, am I trying to justify who I used to be? What is important to understand here is that these characters were indeed spoiled rotten at the beginning. It was only their beginning. Their end is different, and to understand it, you have to look at what is hidden in the very middle. And like these characters, I sincerely think I have evolved, I am constantly changing. I am a different person than the one I was ten years ago, a year ago, a month ago, a day ago, because I am constantly learning. My conscience is constantly expanding. My soul is constantly absorbing empathy, pain, relief, courage, fear. And it’s a good thing. I was afraid of what my mistakes would say about me but I’ve finally understood something yesterday; it’s okay to be afraid, it’s even healthy. You have to embrace you fear, put it between your jeans and sweaters of your luggage, and take it with you to whatever adventure you plan outside of your comfort zone. It’s easier said than done I agree. I, myself, have a tendency to chicken out too easily. But we shouldn’t have the time for that. There’s too many magnificent things to be seen, felt, smelled, heard, touched, tasted to push them out of reach.
I guess my point here is that these characters made me realize that my past shouldn’t define my future. Well to a certain extent, really. If I killed someone, that would be something else. But what I mean is, it is okay to take the wrong turns, because it does not necessarily mean you won’t be able to find your way back on the right track, if such a thing as a right track exists. You have to stop blaming yourself for your previous mistakes. The choices you make today thanks to all the things you’ve learned yesterday will pave your tomorrow. And your tomorrow will pave the day after.
People may talk about my past, but they’ll have to talk about my present and my future too.
We deserve to live fully despite of the ghosts of our past mistakes. I’ve stopped myself too often to dare something new scared of the consequences, because I turned my head to look back at these ghosts. But they can be chased away if you want to, they shouldn’t have to be a burden, but a reminder of what you can become. You have to get that, even if you still make mistakes in the future, it shouldn’t stop you to keep doing what you like, want, wish to do. I encourage us to make mistakes, because it is the proof that at least we tried.
Some would say that you are not the person you used to be, but I disagree. You are the same person than before, but at the same time you are more, because you unlocked what had always been here. The character you were at your first chapter is different from the one you are today. And the more you turn the pages of your story the more incredible version of you will shine at the end of it.
Let’s hope I can keep this weekly article thing going.
See you next Monday,
Hels.
PS: if you haven’t noticed, I changed the blog’s theme and added some new stuff like music, quotes, etc… Hope you’ll like it!
Heloise Holiday 